From the outside, it may seem like Paige Spiranac is a universally liked, incredibly confident golf influencer, boasting millions of followers online.
But the former college golf champion has revealed that receiving a wave of negative, hateful messages after competing on the $1-million Internet Invitational has brought up “insecurities” from her past.
Spiranac shared a recent direct message on her Instagram Story and was brought to tears while opening up about her emotional journey to stardom on the Internet.
The screenshot, shared Monday, was posted with the caption “my DMs lately.”
WARNING: Vulgar language
“I f****** hate you,” the message read. “You stupid b*** think you’re so much better than everyone at the internet invitational. Go kill yourself you stupid c***.”
Spiranac then described how messages like these deeply affect her and trigger “insecurities” from her past.
“This hate for some reason has just been really hitting home for me. I struggled socially my entire life … in big groups of people, making friends, keeping friends, relating to other people, reading social cues, saying the right thing at the right time,” Spiranac said.
“I know it might sound weird considering what I do, but I’m just not effortlessly liked … It’s just hard for me in big groups of people. So, at the end of the invitational, I was really excited because I felt like I could fit in in the industry.”
This is when the emotions hit Spiranac, prompting her to wipe away tears while continuing.
“So it’s just been really hard to see this reaction to being unliked and hated … I know there are more important things in life than wanting to be liked and I want to fit in — and I’ve tried for a lot of my life to find places where I can fit in. And when I was at the Internet invitational I felt really good … It was nice to feel that way,” Spiranac said.
“And then now to watch it back and the deep insecurities of childhood whatever is coming all back and its confirmation that no you’re actually not liked, you’re annoying and no one likes you — and you suck and you’re terrible and all these things. And it’s just hard because you feel good in that moment, then it’s like ‘just kidding.’”
Spiranac was one of 48 online golf content creators who took part in the Dave Portnoy-backed Internet Invitational, which is being broadcast online over several weeks.
The blonde bombshell’s team advanced past the opening matchups in the first week of the US$1-million competition.
On Tuesday morning, Spiranac posted another story with a picture of herself smiling and giving a thumbs up.
“Hi, good morning. Sorry for being emo last night but thank you again for all the super kind messages,” she wrote, adding in a smaller font: “I’ll save my deep, dark insecurities for therapy next time lol”
Spiranac boasts more than 5 million followers across her social media platforms, with 4 million on Instagram alone.
She has parlayed her success into several high-profile gigs, including a cameo appearance in this year’s Netflix hit Happy Gilmore 2, the long-awaited sequel to the Adam Sandler cult classic.
Spiranac also has made multiple appearances in the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition.